"Why don’t you go shopping and I’ll stay here with the cats and watch football," I said.
"You have been on the couch all day watching football with the cats. Get off your butt and let’s go get the groceries," Nicolette replied.
"Oh, alright, I’ll go if I don’t have to change clothes," I said.
"Well, shorts and a tank top are cummfy. Aren’t you worried about someone from school seeing your tattoo though?" asked Nicolette.
"I am sure it’s no problem. And besides, we are going early enough in the afternoon that it shouldn’t be too crowded," I responded.
As a teacher in McKinleyville, I am aware of the "prime times" to see parents and students whether it is in Safeway, K-Mart, or even the gas station.
" If you think so? Let’s go," Nicolette said.
As we arrived in the Safeway parking lot, Nicolette said, "Hey there’s Mrs. Turner? Isn’t she David’s mom who is in your class this year?"
Mrs. Turner is our school’s Parent Teacher Organization president and knows almost all the parents at our school. I had somewhat forgotten how small our "town" of McKinleyville can be. Seeing Mrs. Turner reminded me of all the parents who I know and of all the parents I haven’t met who know me as their child’s possible future teacher. "You are right. Let her drive by and then we can go in when she leaves," I commented.
As we entered the store, I suddenly realized that perhaps being a teacher with tattoos could be misunderstood or even looked down upon by some conservative parents from our community. Being a male elementary school teacher has social stigmas already attached. But, a male elementary school teacher with tattoos might cause some unrest with those parents who are skeptical about me as their child’s teacher. The stereotypes of someone with tattoos can include a person who doesn’t respect their bodies, a person who likes to party often, or even a person with "low" moral standards.
In fact, I had a parent ask me what form of discipline I used in the classroom. Was she assuming that a male teacher might be stricter? Was she assuming, as in some families, as a man, that I was in charge of the punishments? Was I a proponent of spanking a child if she or he misbehaved? Are they thinking, is my child safe with a man? Does having tattoos add to this uncertainty or questioning?
I do consciously modify my behaviors around children. For instance, I will "offer" a hug to a child, but not assume that I can "take" a hug from a child. I will hold a child’s hand if offered, but I will not take a hand to be held. If I am alone with a child, especially a girl, I will make sure that all doors and curtains are wide open. And sometimes I will not even let this scenario materialize, if I can help it.
* * * * * * *
"Nicolette, quick move over! I see Mr. Alves from my school by the broccoli!" I exclaimed. "Damn that took about 3 seconds!"
"I’ll cover for you. Just grab some bananas on the way past," Nicolette commented.
"If we can just make it past this aisle we will be home free," I predicted.
"That was close. Do you think that parent would have cared if they saw your tattoos?" Nicolette asked.
"I am not quite sure? Let’s go down that aisle for some cat food. You know how persistent the kitties can be if they don’t have food to eat," I said.
I thought about whether Mr. Alves would have cared if I had a tattoo or not. Perhaps we live in an era that is more accepting of tattoos, piercing, etc. Maybe it’s not a big deal to have a tattoo, and parents and students wouldn’t care either way. As I thought about it a bit more, the concern began to grow. Parent trust and support in our small community is so important to teachers and the school system. Teachers work so hard to meet the needs of both kids and parents, and we are often recognized for our successes. But, that success is somewhat tenuous and can quickly be lost if parents feel threatened in any way. Could something as "innocent" as having tattoo threaten the trust of parents. I began to remember that Mr. Alves was a more conservative and protective father. It hadn’t occurred to me before, but he just might be one of those parents that could cause some unrest in our parent population. Mr. Alves and the term "moral turpitude" seemed to be synonymous in my mind.
A few moments later, as I was lost in thought and before I realized what had happened, we turned down the canned food aisle, and I saw Tommie from my class with his mom. They were walking right towards us, and my exposed skin was now more obvious than ever! I had no time to turn, run, or hide. I decided to meet them as I would any other time and say hello.
"H-hello Tommie and Mrs. Benson. How are you two today?" I stammered.
"We are doing well," Mrs. Benson replied. "How are you and Nicolette today?"
"We are great. Hi Tommie!" said Nicolette in a hurried manner. I think she was trying to get us by as quickly as possible.
Suddenly, I realized that Tommie had said nothing this entire time and had his gaze fixed on my shoulder in the exact spot of my tattoo. What did Tommie see as he stared at my tattoo? Did he see skull and crossbones with menacing red eyes staring at him? Did he see a gigantic battleship with guns blazing? Did he see a monster truck? Through his eyes was I suddenly transformed into a biker with leather, chains, and a bottle of Jack Daniels in my hip pocket? He was smiling, as was his mom, so total horror was not in their thinking…I hoped.
* * * * * * *
"Well, we have some more shopping. See you tomorrow in class, Tommie. Bye, Mrs. Benson," I said as we proceeded down the aisle.
"Good bye, Mr. Pahl. Good bye, Nicolette," Tommie finally said, still smiling.
As we moved away, I could hear Tommie excitedly saying, "Mom, did you see Mr. Pahl’s tattoo?"
"Yes, dear, I did see his tattoo," she replied.
* * * * * * *
I guess it was a little too late to rethink whether there would be any issues about having a tattoo. I wondered what was going through their minds? Were they shocked, worried, or perhaps they didn’t care at all? Starting with Mrs. Benson, were the ripples of unrest already starting to run through our parent community?
"Well that went better than I thought it would," Nicolette replied. "They are a favorite student and mom of yours, aren’t they?"
"Yes. Tommie’s cool and his mom really cares about him and school. She seems pretty liberal. Actually she works at Humboldt State, so she has to be liberal. Doesn’t she?" I wondered aloud.
As we neared the end of the pet supply aisle, it occurred to me that we might be on a collision course for Tommie and his mother. We could possibly be doing one of those patterns that cause us to keep meeting them over and over until we have shopped together on every aisle in Safeway. Well, no use fighting it, I thought to myself.
Sure enough, as we turned onto the next aisle, there they were shopping the same isle that we were shopping. From a distance I could see that Tommie was talking to his mom in a quizzical manner. She seemed to be shopping as usual and calmly fielding the discussion with her son.
As we approached, I could tell that Tommie was still talking about the tattoo that he had seen on my shoulder. Suddenly he became quiet as he realized we were almost right next to each other. His mom was still calmly shopping and smiled as we approached.
"Tommie seemed surprised that you have a tattoo. He thought that you must have just gotten it because he had never seen it before," she commented. "I told him that you very possibly could have had it for many years, and it was probably not new at all."
"You are right. I have had it a while. It isn’t new at all," I responded.
"Well, I like it a lot and told Tommie that many people have tattoos," she said reassuringly.
* * * * * * *
When I use the word reassuringly to describe her tone in our conversation, it was on many different levels. First, she seemed to be supportive of tattoos on people, even on third grade teachers that have a huge influence on her child. Also, she was very calm in her responses to Tommie’s questions about me and my tattoo. She didn’t give a reaction that would cause concern or alarm for her son. Finally, she was even complimentary to the fact that I had a tattoo, and that was a huge relief. I then remembered a very important fact about Mrs. Benson: she enjoys riding Harleys and is a regular participant in the Redwood Run and similar events. Do you think she minds if I have tattoos and am her son’s third grade teacher? Her "favorable reaction" is a bit understated! I felt like I had nothing to worry about with Tommie and his mother in regards to my tattoo.
"Well bye again," Mrs. Benson said with a smile.
"Goodbye again. See you next isle," I replied.
As we walked down the aisle, I couldn’t help but laugh to myself and a little out loud. The reactions that were unknown were now known. They were, in fact, favorable reactions. The worries and questions I had about this encounter were answered. But, what if this had been "conservative" person like Mr. Alves? Or, a parent such as Mrs. Turner who knows many parents? What if I had no history with this family? What if they were a future family who didn’t know me and were not willing to "give me a chance" as a teacher? Sometimes parents tell me that their kids were worried and intimidated about having a male teacher in third grade. Then by the end of the year, we laugh about it as we are hugging and saying goodbye with tears in our eyes. What would parents who don’t know me think if they had this teary eyed scene as a preview of their child’s third grade teacher? A teacher who had tattoos?
Going to the store in McKinleyville can be an adventure.
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